Intersectionality and coping with the anxiety and challenges of navigating different spaces and interacting with those who are different.
As we approach 2025 let's think about our shared humanity and how we navigate differences.
How are you moving through different spaces, navigating differences and celebrating our shared humanity. How do we all move from silos of separation to Building Bridges of Empathy.
Do you allow yourself to interact with those who are different or do you keep yourself cooped up in caves of privilege and only interact with those who are the same as you.
The truth and reality for many is that they are being confined to caves of fear and for others they remain stuck in caves of privilege. Both realities make it difficult to interact with others and to build bridges of empathy, existing instead in self imposed isolation.
I went to the launch of the Church of England difference training materials a few months ago.
Due to my mobility issues, I was not able to move around and network with those standing and chatting in small groups. There were many people there and people moved around freely enjoying the event and interacting.
In that moment I felt different, different not because I’m Black as there were many Black people there.
Different not because I’m a woman because there were many women there. But different, because I have mobility issues and in that moment I felt different as I could not stand up and interact with others. I was not able to be fully included and to take advantage of my evening out and a networking opportunity.
Don’t get me wrong there were some people who I knew there and I spent some time saying hello and talking to them. But this was brief. You see when you inhabit a different space many may pass through your space but very few will linger. They quickly move on. Understandably so ….
But it’s hard when you’re sitting on a chair and everyone else is standing up it’s hard to mingle and to be fully included in conversations.
As a psychologist, I thought about the different spaces we move in in the world and how we learn to navigate these spaces based on our needs and protected characteristics, whether it be as Black people or women or someone with a disability or neurodivergent etc. I thought of the autistic young people I have been working with, their social communication difficulties and many with avoidance based school refusal. You see they find the school environment overwhelming and such is their anxiety that for some they can no longer go to school.
We learn to assess our environments and we will learn to identify the barriers they pose; to challenge them if we have to and if we are lucky. Many learn to make themselves enter these environments and navigate the challenges these spaces pose and some also learn to assert themselves and be more included in different spaces where differences are made obvious, laid bear and in most cases not welcome.
You see for some out there in some spaces their differences may not be so obvious. Whether it be non visible ethnic differences or invisible disabilities or whether it be the adaptations and modifications which have been put in place to make their differences less noticeable.
So in that moment I felt different as I was not able to move around as freely as others in the room. You may ask, were there other people in the room who were seated, yes but it seemed that for most of them this was a choice and not due to disability or mobility issues. Of course, I am only assuming, I will never really know why they were seating down. But in that moment clocked in my difference, I felt this to be so….to be the truth.
I could have made a decision in that moment to not go out again to such spaces. To avoid the pain and unease; to avoid yet another layer of being different added to my identity.
I have met many who take such a decision to remove themselves from spaces where they do not feel comfortable or for some where they do not feel welcome. To remove themselves from spaces where they feel different and cannot cope. To avoid the pain, and often unspoken stigma of being different.
Without the support and encouragement they slowly remove themselves from those spaces and some when things get worse they become prisoners in their own homes.
For some of the children and young people who become trapped in school refusal their parents try to support them but sometimes their fear for their children results in them being reluctant to make them enter spaces where they will be overwhelmed and spaces which are not suitable or made with their needs in mind. Alien spaces which cause pain, and shroud one in anxiety and the fear and humiliation faced on a daily basis, trapping one in caves of fear and isolation.
Recently I watched a CNN news report on the American documentary daughters and sharing a space with my dad. @Patton. Their fathers were in prison and unable to join them at a dance event and they decided to take the dance to their fathers- into the prison. Even as you read this some will be thinking that is not space for a child, how can you let them go into these space.
We pass through different spaces on a daily basis. Some of these are physical spaces but others are virtual spaces in our minds. But what does that really mean? For some they cannot wait to get out of those spaces and return to their caves of privilege. For others their experiences of these spaces causes trauma resulting in a self imposed isolation and trapping them into caves of fear.
When we do not see people in different spaces because of our own biases we remain cooped up in our caves of privilege separate, unable and unwilling to relate to those who are different. This results in lost opportunities to connect, to get to know the person and to better understand their world experience- a lost opportunity to build bridges of empathy.
Often these biases, avoidance and unwillingness to move into certain spaces is based on fear and stereotypes. We keep our heads down and eyes averted. We do not allow ourselves to see the human being in front of us. It’s like there is an invisible barrier and a bubble which separates us and marks out the different spaces, keeping us separate and apart and safe in our caves of privilege.
What spaces are you avoiding and why?
I watched the British TV soap, Coronation Street and recently the character Roy Cropper and Evelyn Plummer were talking about their experiences of school. Each with their own story about why they had not completed their education and gone on to University.
Roy Cropper who is regarded as being different in many ways and many would say definitely neurodivergent, said: “School presented somewhat of a challenge to me not in the academic sense….
I found social interaction something of a trial, ordeal even, so I chose to spare myself that particular trauma something which I’ve always profoundly regretted.”
In that moment he was talking about how his experiences of school led to him opting out of such spaces. This is something as an educational psychologist I see with the young people I work with. Some young people express the worry that they will look back on their experiences of school and wish they had done more to make themselves attend. For some this is true but for many with environments/spaces which are so overwhelming it can be difficult to marshal up the confidence, strength to enter these spaces, to overcome the anxiety and fear; to cope and emotionally self-regulate. Many of these young people need therapeutic support to help manage their anxiety to teach them the skills to manage and to navigate these alien spaces.
The same can be said for those experiencing discrimination and racism in workplaces or communities. The workplace becomes overwhelming and the behaviours of those intolerant of differences toxic. For some the only solution they can see is to remove themselves from such spaces. Often they to would benefit from therapeutic support to deal with the trauma of their experiences, to help them heal and learning strategies for navigating such toxic spaces.
Unfortunately many are left without the support or therapy needed and they continue to suffer in silence, and for some they become prisoners in their own homes.
Back to the event, one of woman who was at a stall had noticed me sitting alone for most of the evening and she came up to me and started a conversation. I shared with her my reflections on the different spaces we navigate and that I wondered whether it took courage for her to breach the divide between the space of those who are able to move around and move into the space of someone who is confined to a chair.
I invited her to sit on the chair next to me and she did so; she seemed comfortable in my space and I felt comfortable with her being there. She told me about what she was doing using the difference materials in leadership training. I told her about the SIX STAGES FRAMEWORK: INCLUSIVE FUTURES CONFERENCE which was coming up in June 2024 and my work with organisations and schools. She asked me what my name means and I explained it means determination ambition, with a little bit of frustration. I went on to tell her that my middle name is Hilda which means Battle maiden. She laughed heartily and said wow what a name so you are a determined ambitious passionate battle maiden! She said I am picturing you with a shield in one hand ready to do battle to. [We laughed together and I said yes my parents chose the perfect names for me]. She asked, if that was the case what would be in the other hand? What would your chosen weapon [tool for change] be?
I smiled and said to her, “that’s easy and there’s only one answer to your question, in my other hand would be the difference materials. I would use them as a weapon to help people navigate differences, active reconciliation and foster greater peace in the world.” She looked at me and nodded her head with understanding as in that moment we shared a common purpose, a goal of creating a more harmonious world.
I then added that if we were not at the event my other choice of weapon would be the SIX STAGES FRAMEWORK and the toolkits which I’ve designed in my book. I would use the Six Stages Framework to achieve exactly the same goals to better promote understanding around racism and other forms of discrimination. To better support individuals and organisations to foster greater in inclusivity and the sense of belonging wherever that may be- for employees, for those that serve and support schools, to safeguard and include all children whatever their differences and needs maybe.
Reflection
In this world where it can sometimes feel like we are growing further apart because of our differences with all the conflict around the world, if you were getting ready to do battle and you had a weapon/tool for change in one hand, what would your choice of weapon be?
As you go about your day, think about the actions you can take to make someone who is different feel included in the hustle and bustle of every day life and activities .
What does sharing spaces mean to you? How do you use your privilege for good?
How can you move from caves of privilege to help someone who is stuck in a cave of fear?
What can you do to help them get the support then need?
Be brave and step into new spaces!
References related to above article.
1. Summary of Six Stages Framework- see below
2.If Racism was a virus -available for sale
3. The Bias Impact Tree- see resources and blogs
4. Eliminating masks of tolerance - see blog and on HRzone.
Become a change maker in fighting workplace discrimination
5. 10 steps for calling out racism (see resources)
Key concepts underpinning the Six Stages Framework are:
– The Prejudice Racism Spectrum
– Building Bridges of Empathy
– Coming out of Caves of Privilege
Come and learn more about the Prejudice Racism Spectrum.
Check out my free seminars on Eventbrite
Check out my book:
Coming soon!
If Racism Was a Virus....Lessons from the Pandemic
The stages are designed to support individuals and organisations to identify where they are in terms of their awareness of understanding and responding to racism. It is important that as a society we appreciate that we all at different stages in our journey towards understanding and dealing with racism and promoting a more equitable society which does not discriminate according to one’s race, colour and/or appearance.
1. SUMMARY OF THE SIX STAGES of Understanding and Dealing with Racism (+ve and -ve axis) are as follows:
Stage – 6: Extremists/leadership
Strong racist views and work to champion them to others and recruit others to join them.
Stage – 5: Entrenched views and behaviours
Exhibit strong racist views and enjoy sharing them with others.
Stage – 4: Anger and blaming of ethnic minorities
Likely to attack and reject the views of those who are different. Extreme ways of thinking and behaving.
Stage – 3: Attacking and rejecting
Resenting time spent on race, display of outrage whilst projecting one’s own racism onto others
Stage – 2: Dismissive and avoidant
Dismissive of issues of race, pretending that racial and social injustice do not exist
Stage – 1: Unaware, silence and denial
Lack of awareness, Ignorance, oblivious, silence and denial
Stage + 1: Unaware, silence and denial
Lack of awareness, Ignorance, oblivious, silence and denial
Stage + 2: Dismissive and avoidant
Dismissive of issues of race, pretending that racial and social injustice do not exist
Stage + 3: Becoming aware of issues of race
Becoming more aware of differences and racism, and questioning. Recognise inequity and racism but do not understand why or what they can do about it.
Stage + 4: Open to learning
Open to learning and having meaningful conversations- challenging one’s perceptions
Stage + 5: Ability to see the bigger picture
Ability to reflect and genuinely engage. Starting to see the bigger picture around race- paradigm shift
Stage + 6: Leadership qualities
Ability to take on a leadership role in promoting racial equity and social justice. Joining with others for the greater good and for the sake of Humanity.
コメント